Anxiety

I know I'm not suppose to do this. Like too much looking backwards. Life is moving forward, and that's exactly what I'm suppose to do. But I can't deny how much I missed those moments. Friends, happiness, simple things and simple minds. I live my life to its fullest back there. Now? Haha. I don't even know what am I doing with my life. What actually happened in it? How do I suppose to live it? Where did all the spirits go? I don't have the answer.

And now. At this very moment I'm writing this, something crossed my mind. One of my happiest memory, that brought me that tickling kind of feeling. That moment. Nothing special about it, I must say. Simple yet unworthy for the one who actually did it, I bet that person didn't even remember.
But precious to me. At that time, I finally feel "excepted", being recognise, that I was actually there.

But remembering it now give me this uneasy feeling. Cos time goes on, people change, and life is moving on. Well, now other than "that", my existence is being question *sorry if I'm confusing you". I'm laughing at myself and thingking, what possibly made me think that it was going to last? I'm just so naïve. Like a little girl who actually believes in fairy tale. That it was actually about to happened to me. Nope! Life doesn't work that way rin.

Guess all I can do now is accept it, shallow it hard, and move along this new path. Like one of my besties said, I've done my best, even being a total moron is still better than not trying at all *thanks tya*
Having friends who always there to support you is surely a huge blessing, they never call me a drama queen or a scumbag *even when I feel I do* and that's why I thank God for putting them in my life.
They are one of the things that I still treasure the most.

Well", we'll just see what life wanna do with me, and where it's taking me. All I can do is surrender, and maybe try to figure out a new way to live this life. I know God's planning something for me, and nothing is more beautiful than his plans right? :')